It’s Been a While
It’s been a really long time since I last posted. Since B and K were diagnosed as being autistic, there’s been a lot of learning and many, many counseling, occupational therapy, and Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) appointments. So many appointments, in fact, it’s been difficult to keep up with even the most basic responsibilities at home. I’ve had a lot of work travel, which is a mixed blessing. I get to interact in person with people who are working on projects with me around the western U.S., but I have to be away from home to do that. It’s always hard.
Not Actually a Great Mom
Just as a heads-up, I’m not a great mom. A lot of people say to me, “I don’t know how you do it!” “You’re amazing!” “You’re so great!!” News flash: I’m NOT great. Not only am I not great, I’m kind of a sucky mom in a lot of ways.
Yeah, I love doing things with my kids, but I’m completely and totally NOT patient far too much of the time. But I’m willing to learn, I’m willing to work hard, and I’m so happy for the times when things go well and we actually have a fun time as a family without any major blow-ups or harm done to anyone.
Badass…Also NOT
I would never have thought that a child could be capable of putting me into fetal position. But then one did. He put me straight into fetal on the stairs. Just too much. I used to think of myself as a quasi-badass chick. After all, I’ve finished a loop at the Barkley Marathons. (Pause for appropriate gasp and applause…LOL. If you don’t know what it is, look it up. It’s kind of crazy and fabulous.)
I’ve climbed Mount Whitney via the Mountaineers Route. I’ve finished some really tough 100 mile trail races. Badass, right??! Alas, not so much. Having a little boy who gets SO out-of-control upset and freaked out over things like, for example, a piece of duct tape being crooked on a piece of cardboard, that he literally breaks furniture? (Big furniture. My dining room table.) Now THAT’s tough. That’s just one challenge.
Bites, Bruises, and Scratches, Oh MY!
Another challenge I went through with my little B: For a long time, when something went wrong and he got all melted down over it, his Plan A was to run to me and start beating me up. Literally. For months and months I was covered with bruises, bite marks, and scratches. I had to learn safety holds and also learned a suite of techniques for helping him to calm himself down when things sail out of control. But this year something kind of amazing has happened. We’ve learned how to help B stay out of meltdown mode more and more over time.
I owe a huge debt of gratitude to the angelic ABA therapists who’ve been helping him and the other two triplets learn how to behave better and how to communicate their needs through language rather than through acting out. The trips are often not kind to them. But without them, I’m not sure how we would have made it to today.
Real Emotions
We still have a long, long way to go. B still struggles with handling his emotions. A couple of weeks ago he got upset about something (I don’t recall exactly what the problem was), so he threw a heavy object at a framed piece of artwork in our front room. I was upstairs, and I don’t know for sure what the weapon of choice was.
I still haven’t cleaned up the broken glass that fell all over the floor below when it shattered. It’s just one increment too far away for me, given all of the responsibilities I have to keep up with every day. I’ll get to it soon, I think. The good news is that he targeted an inanimate object and not me. And not one of the other kids.
Better Every Day
But more and more often, B is getting through his disappointments without coming completely unglued. He’s cheerful more of the time. So am I. I’m not a happy mom, and a lot of the time I end up yelling at my kids. It’s kind of bad. Okay, it’s TOTALLY bad.
I’m overwhelmed by the stress of our lives and the responsibility for raising three special needs kids while keeping up with my career, being a wife, momming my three older kids as best I can figure out how (it’s not easy to “parent” adult children…they are, after all, adults).
There’s almost no time for me to take care of myself the way I used to. My running has been close to nonexistent. That’s changing. I haven’t been cooking the way I love; that’s changing too. I’m doing better at managing household demands. It’s getting better every day. Then worse again (shrug emoji). It just is what it is.
We’re muddling through.